I must confess, this is my virgin run as a blogger. And prior to starting, I must ask for your forgiveness. More than likely, my blog will ramble at times and more than likely, I will get bogged down in the minutia of my bullSchit (marketing opportunity, I couldn’t it pass up). Rest assured, despite my lack of understanding of the English language, the end result of this blog will be nothing less than informative, will be slightly entertaining and an on occasion or two, may be a bit controversial.
I start by giving you some insight into who I am. See,”I am an alcoholic”. Not a raging alcoholic, but what I like to call a “functioning” alcoholic. Please understand, as with most weak minded individuals, alcoholism is a disease and isn’t my fault. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame my job (of which I have no job) and no, it is not the fault of some unfortunate event in my life, for I have led a pretty blessed life. The fault lies in the fact that I like to DRINK! When I say I like to drink, I mean I like to DRINK! Be it drinking in the duck blind while watching Schitbirds fall from the sky or preparing an evening meal for the fam, a beverage in hand makes all things a little more enjoyable. So sit back, relax and have a beer with me.
Hence forth, I would like to be known as “The Twisted Epicurean” and as stated in the previous paragraph, I have no job. I had a great job. One that I enjoyed thoroughly; however, as with many in today’s economic environment, I have found myself without a means of income. I won’t lie, in the beginning, unemployment was a bit concerning. Mouths to feed, mortgages to pay and an incessant drinking habit, what’s a under educated white boy suppose to do? Seriously, unemployment hurt my brain. However, one day recently, I had an epiphany. As with all my great ideas, a vast consumption of booze heighten my mental awareness. Unemployment doesn’t have to be a curse, the likes of being unemployed can be a blessing in disguise. Now, before you say “bullSchit”, I must digress and explain my upbringing. Thanks to my familial role models, I was taught to live within my means. Save, save, save. And after relinquishing my first wife from her spousal duties, I was able to implement that strategy to my fullest capability. Don’t get me wrong, I am no Rockefeller or Buffet, but I have stashed away enough to allow time for self reflection and a little self indulgence. Although my perspective may be a bit skewed from most indigents, alcohol and lack of obligation has allowed me to realize my true calling…..a Culinary BullSchit Artist. Think of me as a cross between Bobby Flay and Ron White, good cook, heavy drinker and on occasion pfuck’n funny. So sit back, have a beer and let’s get this ride started.
For more levity and culinary insight, please visit me at www.schitbird.com.