Humor seems to have evaded me today. For that matter, humor seems to have evaded me for the last several days. Why you might ask? Well the years are catching up to me and Siete has decided that I need to make some changes. She seems to think that I need to eat a little healthy, actually start using the gym I belong to and stop drinking. The dieting and working out are one thing, but sobriety, that is for the birds.
Given my new perspective on life, I decided to go back and review a few of my old posts to see if they would offer up any humorous inspiration. I checked out “Virgin Run”, “A Former Life” and “I Have A Dream”. All decent blogs, but nothing too inspiring. I went a little deeper and perused “Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am”, “Pure Insanity” and “The Tortoise And The Hare”. Again, all good blogs, but still nothing. Then it hit me……humor has been evading me these last few days, humor has evaded me most of my adult born life. What the f__k Chuck?
Realizing the mind altering effect of beer goggles, I started wondering what else I could have been misguided on……Did telling my former boss to pound sand have a direct impact on my current employment status? Could the neighbors for sale sign be the result of my nude sunbathing habits? Holy schit, could my prior 6 failed marriages really be my fault????? Ah, bullschit, that is just plain silly talk. Old Man Sobriety sure has a funny way of messing with your head.
After much deliberation, I have decided the only way to get out of this funk, is to start drinking again and say to hell with healthy living. If die at the age of 40, by damn, I am going down: fat, happy and intoxicated. So friends, here’s to you and here’s to me and here’s to saying FU to sobriety.
1 Whole Chicken Fryer
1 can of beer
1 qt buttermilk
3 c warm water
8 – 10 ice cubes
½ c kosher salt
¼ c brown sugar
1 bay leaf
2 garlic cloves
1 bottle White Lake Beer B Que Sauce
In large bowl, whisk warm water, salt and sugar until dissolved. Combine remaining brining ingredients and whisk to incorporate. Next place chicken in one gallon Ziploc bag and pour the brine into the bag. Remove as much air from the bag as possible and seal. Place bag in the refrigerator for 2 to 4 hours. 30 minutes prior to cooking, remove the bird and season liberally with Bayou Cajun Seasoning (inside cavity, underneath the skin and outside of bird).
Preheat grill to medium heat (350 to 375 degrees F). While preheating grill, drink half of the beer. If you are extremely thirsty or you grill heats up extremely slow, drink 2 ½ to 4 ½ beers. Place a half-full beer can on countertop and slide the big open end of the chicken over the top of the can. While keeping the can upright, place can and bird on the grill. Cook the bird for about 1 ½ hours or until the thickest part of the breast reads 155 degrees F and the thickest part of the thigh reads 165 degrees F.
Twisted Epilogue: Please do not tell Siete that I have fallen off the wagon. I am going to convince her my lack of weight loss has to do with my “thyroid problem”. If she finds out the truth, that crazy beoch might just cut me.