Vacation Todd is very different than At Home Todd. Vacation Todd wakes up, grabs a beer, pours it over his “cereal flakes” and then heads out for a full day of drinking, socializing and just having a good time. Unfortunately for those who accompany me or happen to be around me, Evening Vacation Todd can be a little hard to bear. You can pretty much count on one of two outcomes: passing out before dinner or those around wishing I had passed out before dinner.
After years of observations, Siete had decided enough was enough and implemented a new plan of action on our recent trip to Mexico. For the sake of the family and the sake of our marriage, Vacation Todd was only going to be allowed to stay for the first few days of our Forced Family Fun. Regardless of how things were going or how much longer the rest of the family might be staying, Vacation Todd would be leaving around day 4 or 5.
In her mind, this was a well conceived plan. A plan that allowed me to have fun and enjoy vacationing with the family, but a length of time that wasn’t too long for me to piss everyone off……Riiiiiiiiight! Much to her displeasure, she under estimated my abilities.
For some odd reason, I have had a lot of nicknames growing up. As a young pup, my nickname was Bucket, something to do with my uncanny ability to crap bucketfuls…..then in my adolescent years there was Todd the Turd, something to do with my uncanny ability to be a turd most of the time……and then after my first divorce, there was Todd the As……well maybe we should just stop there.
Although most nicknames have come and gone, one nickname has suck, Ten Pig Todd. Several years ago while being dropped off at a blind during our annual spring turkey hunt, we came up upon a bunch of wild pigs devouring deer corn underneath a feeder. Upon scurrying away, one of our buddies said, “If those sumbitches come back, you shoot every damn one of them”. Unfortunately for them, they came back and hence TPT.
You ever get so mad at your kids, that blood starts shooting out the corners of your eyes and knowing it is not appropriate to just pull over and beat their ass, you decide to take the only thing that matters (i.e. their Iphone) and throw it out the window just to make a point…….yeah, me neither.
Parenting can be tricky business; parenting girls can be even trickier. Up until recently, my parenting habits and skills were shaped by the raising of three boys. Aside from the obvious anatomical differences, parenting boys is very different than parenting girls. If a boy screws up, you get on to him, send him to his room and twenty minutes later you are outside throwing the football like nothing happened. Do that to a girl….well, it has been six weeks now and I am still waiting for her to come out of her room other than just to eat dinner.