Tidings and Joy


I am somewhat at a loss for words right now, which poses a problem for someone who wishes to earn a meager living selling spices and writing a food blog.  One might say that I have more give up in me than Lindsey Lohan has after three shots of Patron.  But, as I have also been told before………duty is such a cruel master, so here it be:

I hate shopping.  I hate Christmas shopping even more.  Rude people; angry shoppers; teenage, punk-ass kids…..it is a wonder why I don’t enjoy it more.  But,because not everything can yet be purchased online, I do have to venture down to our local mall on occasion.

Different than in years past, this year I devised a plan.  A plan that was simple, yet clever:  Go into a store, grab a gift, belly up to a bar.  Have a couple of beers, go down to Victoria Secrets, find something sexy and revealing for Siete, muster up enough courage to ask the young, hot checkout girl to model it for me to make sure it fits and then find another bar.  The process was to be repeated until I had crossed everything off my list.  Perfect plan!  Right…..right.

As luck would have it, the parking garage I chose was next to a major department store, which requires you to walk through the entire store just to get to the main mall.  And fortunate for me, the only parking spot I was able to find just happened to be on the same level as the makeup counters.  Sir, would you like to try this fragrance, it’s O’ de Toilet, squirt. Sir, this would make a great gift for your wife or girlfriend, squirt, squirt.  Sir, can I help find something for a loved one, squirt, squirt, squirt.

Half blind and smelling like a whore in church, I called an audible:  Find bar, get so drunk I can’t see straight, blow my entire year-end bonus on a 24 carat, gold dipped rose and get so polluted that the bartender has to call my wife to come pick you up……you should have seen Siete’s eyes light up when she opened that gift on Christmas Day!

So, it is unlikely that the 24 carat, gold dipped roses will become a Christmas tradition in our household anytime soon, but what has become a tradition around Christmas is Green Chile Stew.  A simple bowl of goodness that is warm, inviting and has just enough kick to make your guests drink a little bit more than you do…..

Las Campanas Green Chile Stew

2 lb russet potatoes, cubed

1 ½ medium white onion, chopped

10 cloves garlic, chopped

2 t oregano

16 oz green chiles *

28 oz can whole tomatoes, drained and quartered

12 oz bottle Dos Equis Lager

28 oz chicken stock

2 lb pork butt, cubed

3 T canola oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Warm Flour Tortillas

In a large stock pot over medium-high heat, add 2 T oil, pork butt, salt and pepper to taste.  Brown pork for 4 to 6 minutes, remove from pot and set aside.  Reduce heat to medium; add remaining oil and onions, sauté for 3 to 4 minutes or until the onion start to become translucent.  Add garlic and oregano, sauté for 1 minute.  Next add chiles and tomatoes, sauté for 3 to 4 minutes.  Finally add browned pork, potatoes, beer, chicken stock and simmer until potatoes are fork tender, approximately 1 to 1.5 hours.  Serve with warm tortillas.

* Canned green chiles can differ greatly.  Depending on the level of heat that you can tolerate, it is best to start out with 50% hot chiles and 50% mild.

Twisted Epilogue:  “It’s the thought that counts” is total bull schit!

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About TheTwistedEpicurean

Culinary BullSchit Artist View all posts by TheTwistedEpicurean

2 responses to “Tidings and Joy

  • Yo Mama

    I have missed your blog, and hope you can get back on a blogging routine; I know those funny stories are in there somewhere. I will try your green chili stew because these Lakers think they have the best gcs recipe. Love, Yo Mama

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