Author Archives: TheTwistedEpicurean

About TheTwistedEpicurean

Culinary BullSchit Artist

Rinse and Repeat

Shampoo effect is not just for beer drink, it can also be applied to good recipes.  I posted this last January after a long Christmas holiday.  The beauty of this recipe, is that you can substitute just about any kind of meat…….including leftover Thanksgiving turkey!

Las Campanas Green Chile Stew

2 lb russet potatoes, cubed

1 ½ medium white onion, chopped

10 cloves garlic, chopped

2 t oregano

32 oz green chiles *

28 oz can whole tomatoes, drained and quartered

12 oz bottle Dos Equis Lager

28 oz chicken stock

2 lb pork butt, cubed **

3 T canola oil

Salt and Pepper to taste

Warm Flour Tortillas

In a large stock pot over medium-high heat, add 2 T oil, pork butt, salt and pepper to taste.  Brown pork for 4 to 6 minutes, remove from pot and set aside.  Reduce heat to medium; add remaining oil and onions, sauté for 3 to 4 minutes or until the onion start to become translucent.  Add garlic and oregano, sauté for 1 minute.  Next add chiles and tomatoes, sauté for 3 to 4 minutes.  Finally add browned pork, potatoes, beer, chicken stock and simmer until potatoes are fork tender, approximately 1 to 1.5 hours.  Serve with warm tortillas.

* Canned green chiles can differ greatly.  Depending on the level of heat that you can tolerate, it is best to start out with 50% hot chiles and 50% mild.

**  For Thanksgiving leftover turkey, omit directions for cooking meat and add turkey 5 to 7 minutes prior to eating in order to warm it up.

Twisted Epilogue:  “It’s the thought that counts” is total bull schit!


Turphucken

Thanksgiving has unexpectedly appeared in my rear view mirror.  And like most Thanksgivings of late, memories of ’09 suddenly come to mind.  That year, I volunteered to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the entire family.  And like the dumb ass that I am, I decided it was the perfect time to try something new!

Being a fan of all things Cajun, I had always wanted to try my hands at the infamous Turducken…..you know, a chicken, stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey…..coonass engineering at its finest.  Now, I am sure for the true Cajun, cooking a Turducken is just another day on the bayou.  But, for an over weight, drunken, city boy like myself, a “turphucken” (as I now call it) is a proverbial ass whip’n.

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Thank God For Duck Season!

Command of the English language has never been my strong point, which is becoming ever apparent the longer I keep up this blog.  Be that as it may, the show must go on.  No half truths today, no parading around my families dirty laundry for the enjoyment of others.  No, today is just a plain, old fashion, boring food blog.

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The Last Supper

As a return to blogging, I must warn you, this one is weak…….

By now, most of you are aware there is urinal etiquette.  Male walks into an unoccupied restroom, his only urinal choice is to pick the furthest from the door.  Next male enters, his only choice is the urinal furthest from the occupied urinal.   So on and so forth (see Dave Barry’s Guide to Guys).  However, last night, while eating at a fancy steak joint, I encountered a new urinal conundrum, urinal hierarchy.  There were three urinals to choose from, and they were tiered.  Do I choose the one furthest from the door, which happens to be the tallest????  No, I don’t want people to think I am the big swinging “D”, which I am not.  Hell, I wasn’t even paying tonight.  Do I choose the furthest from the Grande???  No, then I might have an inferiority complex.  Do I pick the one in the middle????  Hell no, that will break the cardinal rule of urinal etiquette…..You can obviously see my conundrum.  So, being the indecisive person I am, ….turned around, walked through the main dining area, past our table, out the front door and relieved myself in the bushes next to the valet stand.  I have been “encouraged” not to come back.

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The Last Hurrah

With summer coming to an end, I need to get off my phat ass and get the creative juices flowing once again.  In the meantime, here is the last of the summer re-retreads….

Religious Pilgrimage

Before you turn and run, I ask for a little latitude on this subject.  I know religion may give many of you tired head.  Heck it gives me tired head too.  And I know you don’t typically talk about religion in a food blog.  But religion is something that is a part of most God fearing individuals.  Different from person to person, religion is a product of our upbringing; it is a symbol of our heritage.  It’s a definition of who we are and what we believe.  Be it Arabs or be it Jews or be it Christians, at one time or another, most true believers journey to Mecca in order to achieve religious enlightenment and pay homage to their creator.

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Reared Its Ugly Head

It is that time of year again…..That time of year when Vacation Todd rears its ugly little head.  Retread Tres!

 

Vacation Todd

Vacation Todd is very different than At Home Todd.  Vacation Todd wakes up, grabs a beer, pours it over his “cereal flakes” and then heads out for a full day of drinking, socializing and just having a good time.  Unfortunately for those who accompany me or happen to be around me, Evening Vacation Todd can be a little hard to bear.  You can pretty much count on one of two outcomes: passing out before dinner or those around wishing I had passed out before dinner.

After years of observations, Siete had decided enough was enough and implemented a new plan of action on our recent trip to Mexico.  For the sake of the family and the sake of our marriage, Vacation Todd was only going to be allowed to stay for the first few days of our Forced Family Fun.  Regardless of how things were going or how much longer the rest of the family might be staying, Vacation Todd would be leaving around day 4 or 5.

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Old, Worn Out, “Tired”

In an effort not to disappoint, here is retread Dos!

Maui Waui

Grilling season is here in Texas and what better way to kick it off than a bar-b-que with friends.  In Texas, the carnage of choice is beef, steak in particular.  However, currently being under-employed, I am not willing to spend my whole government check on booze and beef; unless of course, I am the primary consumer.  Spam Burgers and Strawberry Hill sound more appropriate for my friends.

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Summer Time Blues

It is that time of year again.  My give a schit meter is pegged in the red……so here is a little retread from September 2010!

“I would like to apologize to all Texas fans……”  Infamous words from the fabled coach down “South”, but relevant to my situation.  See, in business, as is in life, timing is everything.  Well, given that summer is technically over and my last blog was the “MAH” A Rita, my timing sucks.  That said, my latest entry is something I have recently discover and needs to be shared with all.  So sit back, relax and take heed.

Proper beer consumption is an art form, a skill that takes years of dedication and commitment to perfect.  Once perfected, it is revered by many, mostly the novice or junior drinker, to which I say “Patience grasshopper, patience”.  Although I feel I am the Zen master of beer consumption, from time to time I like to venture outside my comfort zone.  Today, my vice is something called “Summer Beer” or as those north of me refer to it “Beer A Rita”.  Now typically, I wouldn’t dare defile “heaven’s milkshake” (i.e. beer) with a lime or a lemon and god forbid, an orange.  But Summer Beer is a wonderful concoction that I shamelessly admit is good Schit!  Albeit similar in nature to other summer concoctions, Summer Beer is easy, simple and quite tasty:

Summer Beer 

Ingredients:

4 – 12oz bottles of beer (preferably Miller Lite)

1 – 12 oz can Limeade

6 oz Vodka

1 lime

Preparation:

Combine all ingredients in a pitcher, stir and serve over ice, with a slice of lime.  Easy, breezy, Japanesey.

For more beverage concoctions and food trinkets, please visit me at www.schitbird.com.


And Then There Was Four

“I don’t understand interventions.  What’s the point of being told you drink too much by a room full of reasons why you drink in the first place? – Author Unknown

There aren’t many places my family is welcome come Sunday, but one place we have been asked to never come back is Ken’s Pizza in Durant, Oklahoma.  If memory serves me correctly and as said before, often it does not, this particular Sunday we were driving back to Dallas after a long weekend at The Lake.  The boys were hungry and I had a hankering for pizza…..

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Sobriety Blows

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that is the best you are going to feel all day.” – Frank Sinatra

As we take our ride down memory lane, I can’t help but chuckle when thinking back to Squid Tres’ first day of vacation bible school.  And as luck would have it, it was Uno’s first time to teach VBS.

Good VBS teachers are hard to come by and those that are good, know the importance of understanding their pupils knowledge of the subject.  Good teachers will ask a few probing questions, get a little feedback and then steer the class accordingly.  Logical approach for Uno…….

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