Category Archives: Cocktails

Summer Time Blues

It is that time of year again.  My give a schit meter is pegged in the red……so here is a little retread from September 2010!

“I would like to apologize to all Texas fans……”  Infamous words from the fabled coach down “South”, but relevant to my situation.  See, in business, as is in life, timing is everything.  Well, given that summer is technically over and my last blog was the “MAH” A Rita, my timing sucks.  That said, my latest entry is something I have recently discover and needs to be shared with all.  So sit back, relax and take heed.

Proper beer consumption is an art form, a skill that takes years of dedication and commitment to perfect.  Once perfected, it is revered by many, mostly the novice or junior drinker, to which I say “Patience grasshopper, patience”.  Although I feel I am the Zen master of beer consumption, from time to time I like to venture outside my comfort zone.  Today, my vice is something called “Summer Beer” or as those north of me refer to it “Beer A Rita”.  Now typically, I wouldn’t dare defile “heaven’s milkshake” (i.e. beer) with a lime or a lemon and god forbid, an orange.  But Summer Beer is a wonderful concoction that I shamelessly admit is good Schit!  Albeit similar in nature to other summer concoctions, Summer Beer is easy, simple and quite tasty:

Summer Beer 

Ingredients:

4 – 12oz bottles of beer (preferably Miller Lite)

1 – 12 oz can Limeade

6 oz Vodka

1 lime

Preparation:

Combine all ingredients in a pitcher, stir and serve over ice, with a slice of lime.  Easy, breezy, Japanesey.

For more beverage concoctions and food trinkets, please visit me at www.schitbird.com.

Advertisements

The Hangover

Lies, tales and offenses are hard to come by today, so this blog will be short and to the point. 

Fat Tuesday is behind us, so there is definitely a need for a hangover cure.  Growing up, Jo Bob’s Butter and Onion Sandwich was the only cure we Lake Trash dare speak of.  Fresh white bread, a glob of butter and a large slice of yellow onion, honey hush……….As strange as it may sound, bread, butter and onion can cure many things, including encephalitis.

Regardless of the effectiveness, few that I have encountered are brave enough to try JB’s secret.  So for those who are not so adventuresome, here is the next best thing…….for those of you who really tied one on last night, maybe you should try both!  It sure can’t hurt.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

12 ounces tomato juice

2 oz vodka

4 dashes Tabasco

2 dash Worcestershire

½ t prepared horseradish

1 t olive juice

Pinch celery salt

Pinch black pepper

Pinch Mack seasoning

Ice

Lime wedge, celery stalk and olives, for garnish

Combine all ingredients and enjoy.

Twisted Epilogue:  Feedback is good, orders are better.  If you have tried one of our recipes, let us know what you think.  If you like are stuff, please order some for you and a friend.  Times are slow and baby needs a new pair of shoes.


A Toast

Rarely am I serious, but today is a welcomed exception.  After all, this is the time of year to give thanks and I have many reasons to be thankful. 

Our first year of operation at TheTwistedEpicurean has been a great success.  Our site’s popularity and interest level has exceeded my expectations tenfold and I am excited for what the future may bring.  I have received a tremendous amount of positive feedback and many other thoughts and suggestions on how to make our product better.  Over the next year, I will work hard to improve our brand and make TheTwistedEpicurean a truly unique and exciting culinary experience.

Continue reading


Summer Beer

“I would like to apologize to all Texas fans……”  Infamous words from the fabled coach down “South”, but relevant to my situation.  See, in business, as is in life, timing is everything.  Well, given that summer is technically over and my last blog was the “MAH” A Rita, my timing sucks.  That said, my latest entry is something I have recently discover and needs to be shared with all.  So sit back, relax and take heed.

Proper beer consumption is an art form, a skill that takes years of dedication and commitment to perfect.  Once perfected, it is revered by many, mostly the novice or junior drinker, to which I say “Patience grasshopper, patience”.  Although I feel I am the Zen master of beer consumption, from time to time I like to venture outside my comfort zone.  Today, my vice is something called “Summer Beer” or as those north of me refer to it “Beer A Rita”.  Now typically, I wouldn’t dare defile “heaven’s milkshake” (i.e. beer) with a lime or a lemon and god forbid, an orange.  But Summer Beer is a wonderful concoction that I shamelessly admit is good Schit!  Albeit similar in nature to other summer concoctions, Summer Beer is easy, simple and quite tasty:

Summer Beer 

Ingredients:

4 – 12oz bottles of beer (preferably Miller Lite)

1 – 12 oz can Limeade

6 oz Vodka

1 lime

Preparation:

Combine all ingredients in a pitcher, stir and serve over ice, with a slice of lime.  Easy, breezy, Japanesey.

For more beverage concoctions and food trinkets, please visit me at www.schitbird.com.


To Make Amends

As you will see, I love my beverage.  Mainly beer, but on occasion a good bottle of vino or a tangy margarita will fulfill my desire.  The latter leads me to this blogging experience, as well as the opportunity to make amends.  See, my higher education experience, as with most memorable life experiences, involved a little drinking.  Being the under achiever that I am and an early rise, I was left plenty of time to hone my skills and perfect my craft.  Memory eludes me, but at some point, I came to be known as the “Marg Man”, a somewhat alcoholic superhero of sorts.  My superhero strengths were derived not from spinach but from drink that came to be known as the “insert my legal name”A Rita.  Please understand that this was not a self proclamation (as I am known to do) and I never claimed the recipe to be my own.  However, as most self absorbed individuals, I never felt the need to divulge the secret and not to mention, I liked the thought of having a tasty beverage named after me.  Anyway, who was it going to hurt……

Prior to telling you how I got in this quandary, I must give you some background on how this recipe came about.  See, it came from someone near and dear to my heart and it pains me to say that I have stolen some of her glory in an effort to attain some of my own.  For the true “Marg Man” is in fact the “Marg Woman” and has been an influence in my life for many, many years.  My favorite childhood memories are growing up at the Lake; and at the Lake, margaritas are a way of life.  “MAH”, as she will be known, made the best frozen concoction your lips have ever touched and when we little Schits came of drinking age, say 14 or 15, we occasionally partook of said beverage.  As one might expect, as the years advanced, the frequency of “occasionally” became quite constant; which allowed me to develop affection for margs and gave me the opportunity to understand and appreciate the simplicity of this recipe.  In this bullSchit world we live in, simple is the only way to go. 

I digress.  If you haven’t read my virgin blogging experience Virgin Run, then you may not understand that I have ADD and am thus easily distracted.  Rambling and veering off course are a way of life for me.  That said, I pick back up on how an innocent omission bit me in the ass. 

Being the under achiever that I am, I was able to turn a four year college experience into six.  Typically, six years of schooling would have you well on your way to becoming a doctor or lawyer.  Not for or me.  No, I successfully wasted the last two years of higher education perfecting my craft and destroying much of my cerebral cortex.  On the other hand, many of my over achieving friends chose differently and used that time to further their learning experience.  Although some chose a more respectable rout (i.e. business school), several other ratSchits made an unfortunate decision to attend law school (please insert your lawyer joke here).  Well as luck would have it, one of the regular visitors to the Lake also made the same unfortunate decision and attended the same law school as my comrades.  Keeping with tradition, drinking became a regular part of their routine with this crowd and as you may have figured out by now, the gig was up.  The secret behind the “___” A Rita was exposed and the rash of ribbing began.   Time has passed and it has become a running joke at the Lake.  For me, it still stings a bit.  So please, enjoy your “____” A Rita…..and if you ever have the great privilege to be at the Lake, make sure you thank “MAH” for such a wonderful, culinary concoction. 

“MAH” A Rita

Ingredients:

6 oz Limeade

6 oz tequila

Splash of Triple Sec

Preparation:

Combine all ingredients into your favorite blender and Walla.

Notes:  Contrary to what you may think, high end tequila (i.e. Patron, Cuervo 1800, etc.) is not needed or recommended.  A good marg has a slight whang to it and that whang is achieved by using a less refined tequila.  Cuervo Classic or Cuervo Gold is the old reliables, but don’t be shy if all you have is Montezuma.  

For more culinary nuggets and comedic relief, please visit me at www.schitbird.com.


%d bloggers like this: