For some odd reason, I have had a lot of nicknames growing up. As a young pup, my nickname was Bucket, something to do with my uncanny ability to crap bucketfuls…..then in my adolescent years there was Todd the Turd, something to do with my uncanny ability to be a turd most of the time……and then after my first divorce, there was Todd the As……well maybe we should just stop there.
Although most nicknames have come and gone, one nickname has suck, Ten Pig Todd. Several years ago while being dropped off at a blind during our annual spring turkey hunt, we came up upon a bunch of wild pigs devouring deer corn underneath a feeder. Upon scurrying away, one of our buddies said, “If those sumbitches come back, you shoot every damn one of them”. Unfortunately for them, they came back and hence TPT.
This is not my typical post. This is a warning. This goes out to all men and all women who act like men. If your significant other ever expresses an interest in watching the movie “Black Swan” together, run and run fast.
To most, this statement may seem like a given. However, as men can typically be, I have been an ass lately. Nothing that I see out of the ordinary, but Siete has taken exception to my behavior. As such, I decided to take one for the team. I was going to be the good husband and endure a little pain. “Surely it can’t be that bad”……Buuuuullllllllschit! This f__king movie is horrible. It is two hours of my life that I ain’t ever getting back and if this doesn’t earn me some serious brownie points; well it is time I start looking for Ocho.
I digress. Most aren’t reading this blog to listen to all of my bitching and moaning. Most are here for the food. So, without further ado, the link below is a recipe that I recently had published in Plum Creek’s bi-annual hunting newsletter. Hope you enjoy.
Twisted Epilogue: The only good thing that came out of watching this movie is the realization that I need to lose some weight. Having bigger tits than Natalie Portman is not natural for a man. Hence forth, I am officially on a diet……Siete, you were finally right on something. Kudos to you.
If I haven’t said this before, it is high time that I do………”If you put goat cheese on a turd, there is a good chance I am going to eat it”. As odd and unappetizing as that may sound, it is true. Yes, goat cheese is my epicurean crutch. The creaminess and tanginess goat cheese brings to a dish is unmatched. If you are a virgin to goat cheese, be a virgin no more.
God did not grace me in the nether regions, nor give me a crap load of cash; but what he did give me was an uncanny ability to cook. Given that Siete can burn water, we were a match made in heaven. This recipe certainly wooed Siete and is sure to give you the entry key into any man or women’s boudoir.
For a lot of Texans, we are coming to the end of our Religious Pilgrimage. Sure there is always a spring turkey to shoot or a big redfish to land, but for all intents and purposes, hunting season is all but over. We must now return to our familial responsibilities and hope that the return of the season comes sooner than we might expect.
It has become a tradition within my group of hunting buddies to have a “Man Dinner” at the close of every season. A time to bring families together and enjoy the fruits of our labor. A time to enjoy the company of our wives, our kids and……blah, blah, blah. Who am I trying to kid. The Man Dinner has very little to do with bring our families together. No, the Man Dinner has everything to do with drinking beer, eating good food and telling lies about all the good and bad hunts we had. And from what I can tell, though I have never asked, I think the women folk may enjoy it too.
If you have followed my blog, you know that I have a very chaotic life. One wife, four kids, three dogs and six exes, it is enough to drive any man crazy and lord only
knows how you can keep them all happy at the same time. However, the other evening while finishing up dinner, I noticed something highly unusual. Siete wasn’t bitching at me, the kids weren’t fighting and the dogs weren’t under foot. For a brief moment I thought this must be what normal families eat like…….then Meat (the youngest) fires off a big one, sending everyone scurrying for safety. So much for our Leave It To Beaver meal.
I am a firm believer that if someone were to serve me goat cheese ala poopoo or bacon wrapped turd, I would probably eat it without hesitation. And although most may not subscribe to my line of thinking, goat cheese and bacon do make most things better, which is reason enough to try this gem. It is a takeoff from Tin Star’s Chipotle Chicken Scaloppini. Its fairly simple, it is spicy and it is sure to create your own family bliss.
When you have been married as many times as I have, you eventually learn to listen or at least act like you are listening. So, when Seite came to me and asked me if I would post her favorite recipe, I decided “what the hell”.
Super Bowl Sunday is just around the corner and pizzerias across the country are gearing up for the big day. Being the gluttonous whores that we are, Americans are expected to consume more than 8.3 million pies; that is 4,800 tons of pizzas – roughly 8 times the weight of Jerry Jones’ new “Vigaboard”. Now that is a lot of friggin pizza.
Now, I am not sure when you last ordered delivery pizza, but that schit has gotten expensive. I have made many a homemade pie and I am here to tell you, those bastards are definitely sticking it to us. So, here is my version of the Sunday best and of course Seite’s Fav: BBQ Pulled Pork Pizza. Homemade and delicious; sure to please the most finicky of crowds.