Tag Archives: Grilling

Kids Say The Darndest Things

If you have ever had a conversation with any of my ex wives or believe half the schit I have written, then you are well aware of my eventual eternal position in the afterlife.  Assuming the former to be false, then over my next four blogs, you should be able to draw a pretty good conclusion.

Each of my Squids (“children”) has his or her own unique talents and abilities.  But the one commonality amongst them all is their command of the English language.  Much like their father, I attribute most of this to early childhood experiences.  If memory serves me correctly and often times it does not, somewhere around age 6 or 7, I was fishing with my Papaw on the Grand River.  The fishing was slow and the afternoon sun was bearing down, “Boy, go fetch me a beer out of the cooler and while you are at it, why don’t you grab one for yourself.”  With a schit eating grin on my face and thoughts of finally becoming a man, I gladly oblige.  Wanting to savor every moment, I decided to take my time.  First sip, this tastes like ass, but surely it is going to get better.  I will check my bait and then try another.  Reel, reel, reel, snag.  Papaw, I think I got one.  “You ain’t got one, you just got hung up.  Jerk, jerk, jerk, nothing.  Jerk, jerk, jerk, snap…… “GD Son, you could f__k up a wet dream.  Now give me that damn fishin pole and the beer I gave you.  You are obviously too damn young this schit”…….Damn my luck.

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Warning!

This is not my typical post.  This is a warning.  This goes out to all men and all women who act like men.  If your significant other ever expresses an interest in watching the movie “Black Swan” together, run and run fast.

To most, this statement may seem like a given.  However, as men can typically be, I have been an ass lately.  Nothing that I see out of the ordinary, but Siete has taken exception to my behavior.  As such, I decided to take one for the team.  I was going to be the good husband and endure a little pain.  “Surely it can’t be that bad”……Buuuuullllllllschit!  This f__king movie is horrible.  It is two hours of my life that I ain’t ever getting back and if this doesn’t earn me some serious brownie points; well it is time I start looking for Ocho.

I digress.  Most aren’t reading this blog to listen to all of my bitching and moaning.  Most are here for the food.  So, without further ado, the link below is a recipe that I recently had published in Plum Creek’s bi-annual hunting newsletter.  Hope you enjoy.

http://www.plumcreek.com/LinkClick.aspx?fileticket=bR%2bnTjmezHo%3d&tabid=142&mid=795

Twisted Epilogue: The only good thing that came out of watching this movie is the realization that I need to lose some weight.  Having bigger tits than Natalie Portman is not natural for a man.  Hence forth, I am officially on a diet……Siete, you were finally right on something.  Kudos to you.


Rose Colored Glasses

Humor seems to have evaded me today.  For that matter, humor seems to have  evaded me for the last several days.  Why you might ask?  Well the years are catching up to me and Siete has decided that I need to make some changes.  She seems to think that I need to eat a little healthy, actually start using the gym I belong to and stop drinking.  The dieting and working out are one thing, but sobriety, that is for the birds.

Given my new perspective on life, I decided to go back and review a few of my old posts to see if they would offer up any humorous inspiration.  I checked out “Virgin Run”, “A Former Life” and “I Have A Dream”.  All decent blogs, but nothing too inspiring.  I went a little deeper and perused “Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma’am”, “Pure Insanity” and “The Tortoise And The Hare”.  Again, all good blogs, but still nothing.  Then it hit me……humor has been evading me these last few days, humor has evaded me most of my adult born life.  What the f__k Chuck?

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Religious Pilgrimage

Before you turn and run, I ask for a little latitude on this subject.  I know religion may give many of you tired head.  Heck it gives me tired head too.  And I know you don’t typically talk about religion in a food blog.  But religion is something that is a part of most God fearing individuals.  Different from person to person, religion is a product of our upbringing; it is a symbol of our heritage.  It’s a definition of who we are and what we believe.  Be it Arabs or be it Jews or be it Christians, at one time or another, most true believers journey to Mecca in order to achieve religious enlightenment and pay homage to their creator. 

 For me, as with most other Texas males, our religious pilgrimage tends to stray a bit off course and begins as summer draws to a close.  Thousands upon thousands of Texans travel from far and near to seek out the familiarities of their homeland and pay homage to their god.  No I am not talking about high school football, although a religious experience in its own right.  I am talking about the opening of Dove Season.  That’s right, the day boys become men and men become boys.  A day where no matter your age, race, color or creed, men come together to eradicate those menacing little bastards we call dove. 

 Even after all the years of attempting to totally destroy my cerebral cortex, I still can remember the joy and excitement of my first dove hunt.  Dogs running to and fro, #8 lead shot peppering your face and hands, rattle snakes waiting in the tall scrub to strike at whatever comes near.  If that ain’t heaven, I don’t know what is.

As with every good pilgrimage, a great celebration should always conclude a long journey.  As tradition goes, evening dove hunts are the precursor to an evening dove feast.  Meat, meat and more meat.  Which leads me to this Texas favorite.  The following recipe can be used for most any type of game bird, be it duck, quail or schitbird.  Although I have an affinity for schitbird, hands down, dove is where I pay my homage.

For more recipes, sauces and/or seasonings, please visit us at www.schitbird.com

Dove Poppers with Jalapeno Cream Sauce

Ingredients:

10 Dove

10 slices bacon

1 jalapeno (julienned)

1 onion (julienned)

4 oz cream cheese

4 T  Otis & Oskie Wild Game Seasoning

½ c Red Ass Beer B Que Sauce

1 bottle Italian Dressing

10 toothpicks

1 c Jalapeno Cream Dipping Sauce (recipe below)

Preparation:

Preheat grill to 400 degrees.

Pour Italian Dressing in plastic bag and marinate dove breasts for 30 to 60 minutes.  Once the Schitbirds are done marinating, season with Otis & Oskie Wild Game Seasoning.  Then take one slice of jalapeno, one slice of onion and pinch of cream cheese and place it inside the breast meat.  Wrap bacon around dove, veggies and cream cheese and stick a toothpick through everything to hold it together.  Repeat the process for all ten birds.

Place dove on preheated grill and cook 3 to 4 minutes per side, while basting with Red Ass Beer B Que as you turn.

Jalapeno Cream Dipping Sauce

Ingredients:

¼ c heavy cream

¼ c sour cream

½ Jalapeno, seeded and diced

¼ purple onion, diced

3 T grated Parmesan Cheese

Preparation:

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and whip until cream becomes the consistency you desire.  Serve on side for dipping.


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