Tag Archives: Spicy

Jerry World

When you have been married as many times as I have, you eventually learn to listen or at least act like you are listening.  So, when Seite came to me and asked me if I would post her favorite recipe, I decided “what the hell”.

Super Bowl Sunday is just around the corner and pizzerias across the country are gearing up for the big day.  Being the gluttonous whores that we are, Americans are expected to consume more than 8.3 million pies; that is 4,800 tons of pizzas – roughly 8 times the weight of Jerry Jones’ new “Vigaboard”.  Now that is a lot of friggin pizza.

Now, I am not sure when you last ordered delivery pizza, but that schit has gotten expensive.   I have made many a homemade pie and I am here to tell you, those bastards are definitely sticking it to us.  So, here is my version of the Sunday best and of course Seite’s Fav: BBQ Pulled Pork Pizza.  Homemade and delicious; sure to please the most finicky of crowds.

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Old Man Winter

I now know why poets, authors and painters are notorious alcoholics and druggies……..being creative is an ass whip’n to the highest degree, especially after the holidays.  So please forgive me if this post seems rather drab and mundane.

As seasons go, winters in Texas aren’t too bad.  Unlike the northern states, Texas winters tend to be mild and pleasant.  But on special occasions, Old Man Winter will pay us a visit.  That visit came this past Sunday and The Old Man seems to be rather pissed.  Typically, he comes and goes quickly, 30 degrees one day, 70 degrees the next.  Not this time.  No, it seems that someone has pissed him off good and he ain’t leaving anytime soon.  

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Tired Head

I am no Conan, but I think that I have a pretty good line of BS.  However, I am stumped.  I am at a loss for words.  

The Season is in full force, with holiday parties and gatherings aplenty.  At least for me, this means over drinking, over eating and a whole lot of tired head; which may be the reason for my lack of imaginative thinking.  So with little fanfare and no made up, bullschit storyline, here is my latest blog entry and hope you enjoy.

Spiced Pecans

3 c  Pecan halves

1 c  Sugar

1 T  Bayou Cajun Seasoning

1     Egg, separated

1 T  Water

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  In a large mixing bowl, whisk egg whites and water.  Pour pecans into egg white mixture and stir.  Once whites have thoroughly coated pecans, combine sugar and Cajun seasoning, sprinkling half of the mixture on top.  Stir several times, sprinkling remaining seasoning mixture as you stir.  On parchment paper lined baking sheet, spread pecans evenly and cook for 20 minutes, stirring a couple of times as they cook.  Allow to cool and store in plastic Ziploc bag until ready to serve.


Fat Bastard

Bring on the meat and bring on the tatoes.  Without a doubt, I am definitely a meat and potatoes man.  Given the choice and the means, I would eat steak and taters for every meal, every day of the week.  Lipitor can only do so much and the fact that I am unemployed, I do not have the where-with-all to live my dream…..I guess that is what dreams are for.

Given my situation, I must share this recipe and live vicariously through your indulgence.  This side dish is a knock off of a dish my family recently enjoyed in Kennebunkport, Maine.  As usual, I couldn’t leave it well enough alone and altered it the Twisted Way.  Because if it ain’t got spicy, it just ain’t right.

Captain Lord Mansion Potatoes – With a Twist

1  2lb. bag frozen hash browns

1  can Cream of Chicken

1  can Cream of Mushroom

1 c  Monterey Jack, grated

1 c  Smoked Gouda, grated

12  slices bacon

1  jalapeno, seeded and diced

½ c  sour cream

1  can French’s Onion Rings

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  While oven is heating, cut up bacon and fry in a pan.  Next, combine cooked bacon and all other ingredients except Onion Rings and place in 9 x 13 baking dish.  Cover with foil and bake for 50 minutes.  Remove foil, sprinkle onion rings on top and baked for 5 minutes.

For more heart clogging ideas, check us out at www.schitbird.com


Good O’ Day Syndrome

There are very few movies that stand the test of time….It’s a Wonderful Life, Smokey and the Bandit, Braveheart and my perennial favorite, Lonesome Dove.   On occasion, the wife and I will bust out an old favorite and subject our squids to a little “forced family fun”.  More often than not, the wife and I find the movie every bit as entertaining as it was the first time we saw it; on the other hand, the kids can’t seem to stop bitching and complaining because the movie isn’t “kick ass” enough to hold their attention.  As much as I hate to admit it, by today’s standards, the little bastards are probably right and if we are honest with ourselves, the misses and I are probably just reliving the glory days.  As true as it may be, give me Caddy Shack or Raising Arizona any day over Hangover or 40 Year Old Virgin.

Much like movies, I have found that family recipes also have a very short shelf life.  Most that get passed down from generation to generation can’t hold up to the “kick ass” recipes of today.  However, on occasion, there will be one family jewel that is timeless.  Though I use “family” somewhat loosely for I am unsure of the recipes origin, South of the Border Fettuccine has long been a family tradition in our household.  Like most recipes that have been handed down (see the blog entry “To Make Amends”), I have taken the liberty to bastardize it a bit and call it my own.  It is simple, it is good and aside from a few candy asses I know, I have yet to find anyone who doesn’t enjoy this perennial favorite.

South of the Border Fettuccine

14.5 oz can chopped tomatoes

15.5 oz can black beans

16 oz box of dried fettuccine

2t Yard Bird Seasoning

2T  butter

2  garlic cloves, minced

1  medium jalapeno, seeded & minced

1/4c  cilantro, chopped

4 oz sherry cooking wine

4 oz chicken stock

2 chicken breasts

Preheat grill to 400 degrees, season chicken with Yard Bird Poultry Seasoning and grill chicken for about 3 minutes per side.  Place chicken on plate and allow to rest.  Please note, chicken will not be cooked all the way through, but will finish cooking when added to the sauce at the end. 

While chicken is resting, place water in a large stock pot and bring to a boil.  Cook fettuccine according to the box directions.

While chicken is resting and the pasta water is coming to a boil, preheat a large sauté pan over medium-high heat.  Add butter and jalapenos and sauté for 3 minutes.  While jalapenos are sautéing, pour tomatoes and black beans into a colander and rinsed thoroughly.  Once rinsed, add tomato/black bean mixture to pan and sauté for another 3 to 4 minutes.  Add garlic, ¼ cup of the cilantro and continue sautéing.   After an additional 2 minutes of sautéing, deglaze the pan with sherry, add chicken stock and simmer for an additional 4 to 5 minutes.  While the ingredients are simmering, chop chicken and add to the sauce.   Once chicken is cooked all the way through (approximately 2 to 3 minutes), serve over cooked fettuccine noodles.

Please note, for those who are short on time, store bought rotisserie chicken is a good substitute for grilled chicken.

For more “kick ass” recipes and accoutrements, visits us at www.schitbird.com.


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