Thanksgiving has unexpectedly appeared in my rear view mirror. And like most Thanksgivings of late, memories of ’09 suddenly come to mind. That year, I volunteered to cook Thanksgiving dinner for the entire family. And like the dumb ass that I am, I decided it was the perfect time to try something new!
Being a fan of all things Cajun, I had always wanted to try my hands at the infamous Turducken…..you know, a chicken, stuffed inside a duck, stuffed inside a turkey…..coonass engineering at its finest. Now, I am sure for the true Cajun, cooking a Turducken is just another day on the bayou. But, for an over weight, drunken, city boy like myself, a “turphucken” (as I now call it) is a proverbial ass whip’n.
Command of the English language has never been my strong point, which is becoming ever apparent the longer I keep up this blog. Be that as it may, the show must go on. No half truths today, no parading around my families dirty laundry for the enjoyment of others. No, today is just a plain, old fashion, boring food blog.
If you are easily offended, then you probably should stop reading my blog……if not, then here is a little funny.
A Cowboy walks up to this Indian and says, “Indian, can I talk to your horse?” Indian says, “Horse no talk.” Cowboy looks at the horse and says, “Horse, is Indian treating you good?” The horse looks over at the Cowboy and says, “Yea, Indian is treating me good. He feeds me oats, he washes me down from time to time and occasionally he combs my mane. All and all, life is good.”
For some odd reason, I have had a lot of nicknames growing up. As a young pup, my nickname was Bucket, something to do with my uncanny ability to crap bucketfuls…..then in my adolescent years there was Todd the Turd, something to do with my uncanny ability to be a turd most of the time……and then after my first divorce, there was Todd the As……well maybe we should just stop there.
Although most nicknames have come and gone, one nickname has suck, Ten Pig Todd. Several years ago while being dropped off at a blind during our annual spring turkey hunt, we came up upon a bunch of wild pigs devouring deer corn underneath a feeder. Upon scurrying away, one of our buddies said, “If those sumbitches come back, you shoot every damn one of them”. Unfortunately for them, they came back and hence TPT.
Being married seven times is a good indication that I am not a smart man. But what I lack in intelligence, I make up for in hard work and a little bit of levity. Fortunately for my kids, God was much more kind to them than he was to me.
My two oldest sons go to a small private school that’s main purpose in life is to kill a kid’s spirit. “No talking in the halls”, “hands behind your back”, “sit up straight”. Structure and obedience are paramount….That was until my kids came along.
This is not my typical post. This is a warning. This goes out to all men and all women who act like men. If your significant other ever expresses an interest in watching the movie “Black Swan” together, run and run fast.
To most, this statement may seem like a given. However, as men can typically be, I have been an ass lately. Nothing that I see out of the ordinary, but Siete has taken exception to my behavior. As such, I decided to take one for the team. I was going to be the good husband and endure a little pain. “Surely it can’t be that bad”……Buuuuullllllllschit! This f__king movie is horrible. It is two hours of my life that I ain’t ever getting back and if this doesn’t earn me some serious brownie points; well it is time I start looking for Ocho.
I digress. Most aren’t reading this blog to listen to all of my bitching and moaning. Most are here for the food. So, without further ado, the link below is a recipe that I recently had published in Plum Creek’s bi-annual hunting newsletter. Hope you enjoy.
Twisted Epilogue: The only good thing that came out of watching this movie is the realization that I need to lose some weight. Having bigger tits than Natalie Portman is not natural for a man. Hence forth, I am officially on a diet……Siete, you were finally right on something. Kudos to you.
Much to my chagrin, Siete actually reads my blogs. As you can surmise, she was none too pleased with “Rose Colored Glasses”. Needless to say, I am eating healthy again, exercising more and back on the wagon. So if I seem a bit cranky; well, you now know why.
Given my recent lifestyle change, I have found that eating healthier isn’t really the issue. Giving up beer, well that is another story. In an effort to take my mind off my yearning desires, I decided to spend the weekend doing “honey dos”. I spent numerous hours cleaning the garage, washing and waxing the cars and mowing the lawn. Heck I even cleaned out the gutters and trimmed the trees. I was being a good husband. In the midst of my chores, I looked over at Siete and saw that was smiling from ear to ear. The kind of a smile that showed her gratitude and appreciation for all the sacrifices I am making. Thinking about it, it may have been the happiest I had seen her in quite some time. However, true happiness is often times fleeting and when she found me passed out on the patio, beer in hand; her smile quickly vanished.